Truth # 4: I make too many excuses…

We all do it, I know, but I seem to be one of those that has an excuse for everything. Some of them are legitimate and some of them are just to feed my selfishness. For example, I usher my kids off to kindergarten every morning no later than 8:45 because I have to go running. But I don’t go running every day – that is just an excuse so that I can have the flat to myself, the nice QUIET flat… Or, whenever my ex-roommate calls me for coffee (which has been happening less and less frequently, thank god) I always tell her that I am busy working (she equates that with cleaning) – but to be honest, I can’t be bothered to meet up with her because the conversation always leads to the newest brand of laundry detergent on the market. Or sometimes, I’ll tell my husband that I didn’t have time to go to the grocery store because I had been cleaning all day (please don’t tell my ex-roommate) god forbid I have to do more than one major chore in a day (I am such a lazy shit!)

Why is it that we are so full of excuses all the time? I don’t like the fact that I will make up a million excuses for not sitting down and working on a project that I have been THINKING about for the last eight months. It drives me crazy that my idea haunts me in everything I do, whether running, or cooking, or cleaning, or even just plucking my eyebrows. And I always have these brilliant ideas on how to develop it. But why is it that I cannot just sit down and do it? I think there are a few reasons for this. Perhaps the most important thing is that I am just plain insecure. I am afraid of showing ANYONE my work, too afraid of rejection, too afraid of bad criticism. I still can’t believe that I am posting my thoughts (which are pure ramblings and probably don’t make much sense and are not even structured very well – it’s safe to say that this is not what I would call good writing, or even poor writing, it is somewhere between the red and green zones in the -2 level of the parking garage down the road from my flat). I am realizing now that perhaps this little blog project that I have going is just another excuse to not do what it is that I actually should be doing and working on what I should be working on. But I need to flip it, I need to convince myself that this is an essential exercise to get my brain going, to get my fingers working, to get into the habit of writing (even if it’s crap).

So yes, after I post this I will stop making excuses, at least try not to make too many today
 and try to actually be productive when it comes to me and my work. I shall forget today about the laundry, I will whip up something quick and easy for dinner so that it does not take up too much of my time, I shall put off waxing for some other day (or perhaps not, I have neglected my legs for too long) – I shall sit down and I shall come up with a plan. And I shall follow this plan. Enough excuses… unless of course I get called because of some emergency or something (that’s always a valid one)…